community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
