Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
