if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
