I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
