I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
