At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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