Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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