what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
