So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He better not be in your backpack
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
