So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
cat food counts as protein by the way
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
