I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
