Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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