all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
