You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have fence marks all over my body
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
