I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
