the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
