Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
