Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize