its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize