He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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