If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
