I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
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My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
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I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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