i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
