I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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