i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize