I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
