i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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