haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
