I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize