You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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