we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
