found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
