this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm getting married
To pizza
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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