College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Found the puke drawer
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
BRING THE BAGELS
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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