I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
