Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
