I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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