The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
