I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
