he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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