What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
