Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
