Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
