I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
