Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
