I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
