The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
