Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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