It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
