the ceiling is raining jello shotss
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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