Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
