please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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