It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize