why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
