I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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