I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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