The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
