Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
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Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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