I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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