I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
