HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
