so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
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We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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