oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
