Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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