The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
