Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I lost the right to judge tonight
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
