And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
